11:14am
Slept in late, had a cup of coffee, now writing this and waiting 'til I'm allowed to drink water again (Zicam) before heading to the Rec. I've got a long, busy day planned. It's almost all research and writing, and I am beyond overwhelmed. I figured this could help. I've got soft music going, lights turned off, and I'm alone with my thoughts in a relatively quiet moment before starting.
Today marks the beginning of Advent. I didn't realize this until I was on facebook this morning and noticed Sister Judy's post about it. Advent has always been one of my favorite parts of the liturgical year, and even now that I'm not practicing, I feel so drawn to reflection at this time of year. It's always a hurried time of year. Every year exactly what's happening now happens in my life. I go home for Thanksgiving with all these good intentions of doing school work, and mostly due to familial obligations, I get next to nothing accomplished. I am stressed the entire time I'm home, because I know what's weighing on me. Then I come back here, and I'm in a mess. So of course I long for these moments of suspension.
I miss Advent. There's no way I can tolerate sitting through Mass. The Bible is rough for me to accept as more important than any other text, so it's hard to imagine myself reading that. I thought I'd try one of those online Advent devotions, but that was even worse. They insist that you believe so much that maybe you don't. Still, I connect with this time of year.
I connect with the quiet. The space. The darkness, waiting, and longing. I don't wait for a Messiah to deliver me to Heaven. I don't wait for vindication, or even a feeling of security in the cosmic. As has always been the case with me, I think of the children, and we're all children so that term is broad. I think of them, us, all waiting to be held. The Nativity speaks to me on the levels of metaphor and image. To me, it represents the birth of light and love. It happens in the dark and quiet. It descends gently.
That's what I think about. That's what I wait for. Some things will never make sense again, and in certain ways I'm glad of that for being more open to the greater mystery. But still other things, love and light, dark, quiet longing... those still make sense.
I hope that you all have a blessed Advent, no matter your style of celebration.
Peace and Light.
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